Forgetting Who I Am

Hope glistened through the clouds on this journey I’ve found. Twisting and dark roads have now led to this chamber of hope.. Light seeps through the end of this tunnel as my eyes try to focus in the brightness. It’s been awhile since these eyes have seen anything and they must adjust to the light. My hands callused and bleeding, my heart now slows its beat. I wipe the sweat with my tattered shirt and begin to look around. I realize that the road is still tough. The journey is far from over.. but at least this time.. It’s light outside 

I just wanted to thank those people who supported me through my training.. As some of you know i have been into crossfit for about 6 months now.. i love Crossfit… if you EVER want to get in shape.. i HIGHLY suggest you look up Crossfit.com

Ya know, 

I’ve always been told that your actions are not spontaneous.. All actions were a forethought of something in your past.. 

Will I ever be good enough? 

The request for something “inspiring” shot into my inbox.

The text came from a girl that I used to go to college with. Before I get to my “inspiring” writing… Please allow me to introduce you to her.

Her name is Kimberly, well.. to me she is Kim, to you, Kimberly; and don’t you ever forget it.

She stands around 5”7 and her long curly brown hair tickles the middle of her back. Her smile is white, straight and will light up any room. Her eyes will pierce through you with hope and passion… the kind of hope that could save the world… and the kind of passion needed to accomplish such a gigantic task.

Saving the world… I used to joke around with her about “saving” the world. Every time I called her or text her and asked what she was up to, she was always doing some sort of service. Helping kids was on the top of her list… I joked about “saving” the world… but she truly did have a hand in our children’s future. That was her first step in saving the world. She would open her arms to the children and be a guide for knowledge and help…

That’s where her love was found.. in her arms… I don’t even know how many times I used her arms… Her arms were always a place of comfort… I had found myself in her arms from time to time… It seemed like no matter how bad her day was, she was quick to forget about herself and be there to comfort others.

That’s just the kind of girl she was..

The girl everyone loved…

She was a Shepard of peace, a beam of light, a warm wind in a cold rain…

Her life is a collection of moments that embrace the one true reason that we are all alive today… Love..

Her love is endless… Her love will one day save the world… In fact… She currently is in law school where she plans to expand her ability to one day.. truly save the world…

How can I write something for you Kim?

Asking me to inspire you is like asking a preacher to teach Jesus about the bible. How could I ever possibly fill that task?

Don’t get me wrong; I will try to inspire you… But if you really are in need of inspiration.. I suggest you do one thing…

Do me a favor.. Stand.. walk across your room.. right into your bathroom… and look into the mirror.. but as your eyes fix on the beauty before your eyes… I want you to not only reflect on the image before you, but reflect on the life the image has accomplished already… Now think of the life that image is accomplishing… and finally.. think of the life the image will one day have accomplished.

I promise when you do this, you’ll realize that it is impossible for me to inspire you… It is impossible for me to write something meaningful when it is compared to what you’ve already accomplished. My writing is as steady as marks in the sand.. ready to be washed away… What you stand for and the life you are creating is a light house on a rocky shore.

So how could I inspire you?

You’re a very smart girl… and you have had all the answers to the questions that have plagued my life over the past few years… But I can stump you Kim…I do know one question that is impossible to answer…

You want me to inspire you right….?

Well…

How can I inspire a girl who defines inspiration?

Kimberly is the second one in from the left (Purple hoodie) this pic was taken when she was breaking ground for a new apartment complex on her college campus.
Breaking ground is a ceremony that is only a privilage given to those who were responsible for the work leading up to the actual construction.

Confidence,
Confidence is something that is needed to be successful in life. Some people just natrually have it when they are born; others fight for it their whole life only to find a small glimps of this precious attitude. 
Someone with true confidence differs from someone without confidence like night differs from day. Someone who holds confidence knows that bad things will happen in life. But they don’t dwell on that knowledge. They don’t worry about the problems because they have the confidence to know that they will fix the problem, and learn a precious lesson during that trial.
A person who lacks confidence expects life to be easy. They expect everything to go their way and they crumble when something becomes difficult.
We as humans have always lived with the slogan ”why me.” If something bad happens they always ask the question, “how could this happen to me?” 
There are very few that have true confidence. A person with true confidence doesn’t ask why me. He asks, what do I need to learn, and is patient with the situation trying to find what good can come of it. 
Many people fear confidence because of the small line that borders cockyness. For me, I think it is worth flirting with the line. Don’t get me wrong, I know that most people are cocky because they are scared. They are scared of who they truely are, so they put up a curtain to hide themselves from the world. But I truely believe that if we even act confident.. It is better than nothing.    

I know that most of you don’t play baseball.. or even understand it.. and honestly are probably tired of me talking about it.. but baseball can teach us many great lessons… and confidence is one of them… so please.. i beg you to hear me out with an open heart…

Deep down inside me I know that baseball is just a game.. Its only a peice of wood.. and a ball of yarn wrapped in leather. I know that a kid standing on a hill of dirt.. throwing a ball at another kid standing in a box lined in chalk sounds silly and pointless… but if we look deep into the meaning behind the actions.. you will see the lessons it teaches…

Many times in a baseball players career… He is asked to step to the plate to win a ball game. His music begins to play… The announcer calls out his name and 10,000 people begin to scream…
If you are on the road… They scream for you to strike out…
If you are at home… They scream for you to be a hero…
As I step to the plate in this situation I try to do one thing… I try to make my body language louder than the crowd. I try to have my confidence show through me. A person who looks confident can put belief in those who want to believe.. and doubt in the minds who believe in the pitcher…
So even if my heart is racing.. my hands shaking… and my ears aching from the noise.. I try to act confident.. I try to be as cool as a fall breeze…

One big lesson that I have learned in these situations is that I am not ever at home or on the road… I am not facing a pitcher… The crowd doesn’t exist and the only person I am facing is myself…
I know that as I stride to the plate.. I am alone..
There are no fans..
No pitcher..
No catcher or umpire…
No teammates or coaches..
I’m alone…

I stand alone facing the one question that separates success from failure… Do I believe in myself?

See.. I know that as I step into that box… alone…. my attitude will reflect my performance.

But I also know that my performance will not be judged by winning or losing the game…

See.. Alot of people don’t know what it takes to truely win something… They think who won the game is reflected in the final score…
But not to me…

I believe that it is easy to be a pitcher… you control what you throw.. when you throw it.. and where you throw it… you control the pitch.. and the tempo of the game… you know a hitters weakness and how to exploit it…

It’s easy to be confident when you are in control…

But as a hitter.. you have no control. You know that the pitcher is going after your weaknesses.. but you can’t worry about what you can’t do.. But instead know what you can do.. and know what you’re capable of.. All you can do is prepare yourself to hit.. and swing at whatever pitch life decides to hand you. You can’t worry about what happens when you swing.. you can’t worry about a great pitch or a diving catch.. the only thing you can think of….is knowing that you have worked hard enough to have what it takes to compete..

I truely believe that when you are called upon to show what you are made of….
Even if you must face the problem alone…
Even if the odds aren’t in your favor..
Even if when you look at it… it is 9 vs. 1…..
If you can have all these trials in your face.. and still stride to the plate with true confidence…
To me… You have already won the game…

A lot of people have told me.. “You’re going to be nothing.” They have tried to tell me that I won’t do anything with my life. These people have followed my life through the internet or through other people hoping that they will hear that I’ve failed or that my life is miserable.

I don’t really care much for these people and I don’t really play their “game” by caring what they think…

But honestly, I already feel like I’ve won.

Let me explain why

 

Before I start I don’t want you to think I’m up here preaching to you that I’m “so good” or “so successful” as you read on you’ll understand that this is not a blog to brag.. as you read on, you will understand my true meaning. Now that you know that.. let me go on.

 

 

A lot of the things I’ve written have told you how much of a struggle I’ve been through. This doesn’t make me “better” than anyone else, it just makes me who I am.  If someone has been through tons of trials it just means that God is trying to strengthen them. I THINK it is in D&C 121 or 122 when it talks about Joseph Smith in jail. In that section Joseph basically asks God why he has to go through these tough times.. to which God reply’s “this experience will be for thy good”

 

For thy good.. that is really comforting.. to know that something hard can be for thy good.

 

So back to my original point, all the people who have tried to bring me down or put obstacles in my life, I just have to laugh at..

I know that my freshman baseball coach told me that I’d “never be a good college baseball player” 3 All-American titles later I felt like mailing my awards to his house. But I didn’t and I never will. Only because I don’t want him to think my life has revolved around proving him wrong, because it hasn’t…

 

I guess that’s my point, we ALL have people like that in our lives. People that don’t like us or want only the worst things to happen to us are ALWAYS going to be there. And it gets worse the more you move up with your life. The more and more success that i’ve earned has been at the push against more and more trials. My whole life I’ve been pretty good at what I do.. my dad has always warned me of success.. telling me that “its very lonely at the top”

But I don’t mind the trials.. I have never accomplished something that I consider “success” without some sort of trial in my way.. Meaning, if Mt Everest was twenty feet high, no one would care if you climbed it. Get my point?

 

So as we all push on against the people trying to destroy us, we have to remember one thing, we can’t get caught up in trying to make them unhappy or trying to prove them wrong. Cause the moment we do, we lose focus on what we truly desire.

 

A lot of people have told me “you’ll never make it to the big leagues” But to me, my minor league career is NOT going to be based off of if I make a big league game or not. I know that as good as I was, am or may become, I may NEVER step foot in a big league game. I can’t control what scouts think of me or if I get injured or not.. All I know, is that all I can do is set my focus upon ONE goal that I CAN control.

 

That one goal, is to be successful.

 

I believe success is measured by the ability to accomplish ones desire. If you’re desire is money, then you can measure your success by money… to me.. my desire is to never quit. My desire is to push through hard times that may come.. cause they will make me stronger and make me into someone special. My desire is to hold someone through hard times to be a comforter to them and a guide in their life. My desire is to take each situation I’m faced with and learn a life lesson in one way or another.

 

If I want to be successful then I can’t worry about proving my nay-sayers wrong or finding ways to make them look bad. I have to worry about ME. I have to worry about my TRUE desires and my OWN success.

If I get caught up in their little games to bring me down, then I’ll never find success in my life. So I can’t, and I won’t.

I’m going to just worry about me, I’m going to worry about what I can control and what I want to accomplish.

 

So keep pushing, there is ALWAYS going to be someone trying to pull you down… you can’t worry about them. Focus on WHAT YOU WANT and don’t let ANYTHING hold you back from accomplishing your goal.

 

The few of us that push through the mold will always be laughed at, lied about and hated… Look at Moses, Abraham, Joseph, Peter and of course Jesus… the more and more they became successful, the more and more people hated them.. But NONE of these people quit, NONE of them lost focus on what they wanted.. and that’s why ALL of them were successful..

So push towards success, and as long as you never let the words of hatred fall into your ears, and as long as you keep pushing, you will fulfill any desire that you wish to accomplish..  And even though my dad says that it’s “lonely at the top” I do understand what he means.. But in a way I couldn’t disagree more, without the help of my family, (especially help from brother Jason) help from friends (Kim, Jenn, Thurm and Kate) and my girlfriend Nikki, I wouldn’t be at the top… and trust me.. with all that company, I’m far from lonely. J

Here ya go.. Video of mine #2… Let me know what ya think