Forgetting Who I Am

You were there weren’t you.

I felt different that night. I felt stronger, more energetic, and more focused. Now I know why, cause you were there.

You held my hands as I rocked them back. You opened my eyes to see the seems and you guided my bat to square the ball up at the perfect time.

Thank you Grandpa. Thank you.

I remember your eyes before you passed away. They pierced through me with firm belief. Your eyes spoke of a belief that no matter what, you were going to get my first professional homerun. You always spoke to me like you believed in me. You were one of few who truly believed in me. That ment a lot to me Grandpa. It ment a lot then, and it still rings in my mind now. That you believe in me.

Thank you Grandpa, thank you for being there for me, for believing in me. For setting a goal before me that no one else thought I could accomplish.

I love you Grandpa, and even though you are gone, I know you are still here. I know you were there that night, watching that ball fly over the fence. The crowd began to cheer but I could not hear them. Instead, I heard your voice say, “I knew you could do it.”

Well Grandpa, I did it, and I did it for you. This is your ball, your homerun, and your trophy to cherish. Without you believing I could do it, I may have never accomplished it. This ball is yours forever Grandpa. I will encase this in your gravestone so you can have it. I promised it to you, and now it is yours to keep. I did it grandpa, I finally did it… Thank you for always believing in me. 

They came from practically nothing. Actually I should take out the word “practically” in that sentence… They came from nothing.

At the age of 16 my dad got the news that he was going to be a father, a high school sophomore at the time was going to try and play dad.

My mom was a senior, she graduated and instead of taking her good grades to college she was forced to get a job and start taking care of her newly born son, Jason.

My dad finished high school a 4-year letter and all-state athlete in every sport. He chose to excel in football and was offered a college scholarship. He took his son, Jason, and his newly married wife, Linda, to college with him. There, my mom worked part-time and took care of Jason full time, my dad went to school full time, played football and worked graveyard shifts just to have enough money to pay the rent to the trailer they lived in and put a small amount of food on the table.

Soon my mom found herself pregnant with twin girls. The girls were never brought into this world as they were still born. My parents barely had enough money for the funeral and put almost everything they had into making a headstone. To this day we still go visit our siblings Heather and Heidi PoVey.

Soon after that my mom, 22, found herself pregnant again. She brought into this world a beautiful baby girl, Brooke. My dad only 19 at the time, and had two kids. He continued his football career and still worked his graveyards to try and make the money for three people, feed four.

They spent time down in Southern Utah and moved up north to live in a small basement, as my dad continued to work graveyards and finished school at the U of U.   My dad got a degree in social work and started out working graveyards as a guard. My mother worked as a clerk at a grocery store and continued to raise my brother and sister.

A few years later my dad was still at the bottom of the barrel in his job and my mom had started to be a secretary for an insurance company. Now, my dad 22 and my mom 25 found themselves with a third child on the way, me. With so many mouths to feed and not a lot of money to work with, my dad would ride his bike to work, 23 miles each way.  We never were raised with the best things and were taught not to complain but to be grateful for what we had. My parents were great in teaching us this lesson because they lived it.

A few years later, my dad moved up in his job and my mom was still being a secretary at a local insurance company. The move in my dad’s job made us move as a family. We picked up and moved from Syracuse, a city known for its “country” lifestyle straight to the middle of Ogden, Utah. As soon as we got the news we were moving, we also got news we were going to have another brother. My little brother, Skye, was brought to us just months before we made the move to Ogden.

All six of us shacked up in a small two-bedroom apartment while my dad and his brothers began to build our home. My dad had lots of knowledge about a lot of things and my uncles were all professional rock layers and electricians. With the combination of their talents, our home was built before the end of the year.  When we moved in, my mom also took up a new job, becoming her own boss as she became a Farmers Insurance Agent.

My dad kept climbing the pole in his job and my mom kept selling to more and more clients.

I know that I tried to fit about thirty years into about three paragraphs, but I wanted to give you an idea of where my parents come from. They started out as high school kids, raising kids. By the age of 22 my parents had 3 kids… and NO money… and yet they still stuck together. How often do you see that? Especially today. A young girl and boy get into some trouble, find themselves with a kid on the way, and have stuck together all these years. I guess my parents weren’t kidding around when they stood at the alter and said the lines “for richer or poorer” they’ve been through it all, and instead of saying “til death do us part” they recited “for time and all eternity.” And ment it.

My parents just aren’t successful in their jobs, but are great examples to all in the lost art of marriage…

Anyway, back to my story…

Just the other day my dad, who is now the State Director of Juvenile Delinquents, Just got a perk as a new director of a private facility which will give him about a 30,000 dollar bump in salary per year. My mom, who is now one of the most successful Agents in the west, was so happy for him she pulled up in front of our house with a Toyota FJ cruiser as gift for my dad. A “small” way of saying CONGRADULATIONS.

To some this might not sound like a big deal… whoo hoo.. A new car… no biggie…

Well, through ALL those years of sacrifice and hard work, my dad had NEVER owned a new car. Most of the time my parents were forced to buy the cars with 100,000 miles on them. My dad even owned a car he had to stop with his feet, like Fred Flintstone. No lie.

When I saw the joy in my dad’s eye, I thought about where my parents have come from to get where they are today. Now my dad is not one to get excited about material things, I think he was more excited because he realized how far he and his wife have come.

It’s nothing short of amazing, they literally came from nothing.

My parents worked hard and made sacrifices so that their children don’t have to worry about food, clothing or money. Now, don’t get me wrong, my parents have always taught me that there are more important things to life then just a green dollar. But it IS nice to see that hard work pays, literally. 

So I guess this is to you mom and dad, this is your son, telling you how proud I am to be a PoVey. When past coaches, teammates and the head of the Dodger organization, told me I’m such a hard worker, I know who I got it from, and I appreciate it.

I remember getting a dollar and being told to walk to the convenient store to buy dinner for myself… now I can’t decide on what to have to eat cause we have too much.  You’ve come along way, I know it sounds backwards for me, the kid, to tell you, the parent, that I am proud… but I am, I wasn’t there for all of it so I don’t know how you did it, but I’m so proud that you did.  I’m not sure its worth much, but congrats mom and dad. I can’t express how proud I am….

 You’re what I dream to become, successful. 

He’s arguably the smartest person I know.. I listen with much respect when he speaks and his words mean the world to me. He’s my brother, Jason.

Jason laid on his hospital bed getting surgery on his pelvic bone, which, needless to say, ended his future as a football player. When my dad asked him what he was going to do with his life my brother looked up at him and said, “I’m going to go to law school.”

We all laughed. I laughed. I thought it must have been the drugs, but not too much later he was getting the results of the LSAT and the numbers quieted the laughter of our family. Before I go on, Jason wasn’t dumb by any means. He was just someone who was a 3.0 student his whole life.. Nothing flashy, he wasn’t up for valedictorian, he never got a sterling scholar award. Just cruised through high school and college.. but the moment he wanted to take the LSAT, he found himself in the top 3 percent in the nation. He chose Thomas Jefferson Law School in San Diego, California . Not a bad place to practice law..

When he graduated from there he walked out with many ropes around his neck and the honor and respect from all his professors.. not to mention the respect he got from his little brother.. what he did was  nothing short of amazing.

I’ll save time and skip to the present day. He’s not a lawyer, he’s never in an office,  he doesn’t ever wear a shirt and tie. He doesn’t deal with judges, attorney’s, criminals or other assholes that are found in the justice system. No, if you want to find my brother you go to a small restaurant in Moab called Eddie McStiffs. My brother works all night.. goes home to his tent.. no electricity, no tv, no rent, no bills, just him and nature.

He reads all day, not garbage magazine or books written by rich assholes with no view on what life is, no, he reads arts from Edward Abbey and                         . My brother’s mind is pure. Undiluted from what society tells him he should think, Jason’s mind is free. 

Today we went on a bike ride. I got up ahead where I couldn’t hear anything but what god had put on this earth. Birds, bugs, wind, it was all there.. and soon I found myself at a fork with no knowledge of where to go. I sat my bike down and sat on the fork and just starred at the mountains in front of me; what a gorgeous view it was. It was then I caught myself thinking, I could do what Jason is doing in a heartbeat. How good it felt to get away from my warm house, my tv, my computer and my loud Ipod. Honestly, it felt good.. it probably should feel good, that is my roots, that is where I came from. As much as humans try to pack things around them, they can’t ever deny where they came from. We are all part of nature and nature is part of us. My brother’s attempts to get back to his roots have caught my attention. I’d love to do something like that. He asked me to travel with him down to Mexico for two months where we’d just travel around and bike ride. How amazing would that be.. I had to decline because I am currently training for the 2008 season.. but how much I would love to do that. Not just to spend time with my brother with no worries, rules, schedules or plans.. but just to rewind my mind to remind it where I came from.

This was written out of respect for you bro. I respect what you’re doin, who you’re tryin to become and what you believe. I wish I could help, but I know you understand I’ve got to do what I’ve got to do. Do me a favor, don’t change for anybody, raise your middle finger to those who refuse to understand you and lend a hand to those who respect you. Be safe. Be you.  In that order…

And enjoy the best trip I never got to go on…

Mama told me, when I was young

Come sit beside me, my only son

And listen closely to what I say.

And if you do this

It will help you some sunny day.

Take your time… dont live too fast,

Troubles will come and they will pass.

Go find a woman and youll find love,

And dont forget son,

There is someone up above.

(chorus)

And be a simple kind of man.

Be something you love and understand.

Be a simple kind of man.

Wont you do this for me son,

If you can?

Forget your lust for the rich mans gold

All that you need is in your soul,

And you can do this if you try.

All that I want for you my son,

Is to be satisfied.

Boy, dont you worry… youll find yourself.

Follow you heart and nothing else.

And you can do this if you try.

All I want for you my son,

Is to be satisfied.

If you haven’t heard the song.. go get it.. now.. its awesome. but it makes a good point. we don’t need gold or anything of the world to make us happy. i’ve actually known people who only care about worldly things. i’ve actually dated girls that only cared about the car they drove or how big their engagment ring is.. its sad to see how pathetic they all were.. i dated a girl named rachel who was probably the most pathetic of all of them.. she cared so much about material goods it made me sick.. i was lucky enough to get away from her cause i couldn’t see myself with someone who cared so much about something that can be bought. she actually LOVED material things… how can you waste your love on worldly goods? i believe we only have so much love to give. we can’t be passionate about 25 different things at once.. i believe true passion can only be given to a couple of things.. so if your passion lies within money or material goods.. how can you be passionate about what is important? like family and god… its amazing to me how pathetic people can be and where their heart truely lies. i believe what makes us happy is finding out who we are and following our heart.

 knowing that,  i wish him the best.. i hope he finds who he is and holds on to that for eternity. i love him and wish him a safe journey in his quest of searching his soul.  i hope he will lift the curtain during this time and let those close to him love him for who we see him to be.. 

so jas.. be good, be safe, have fun; be a simple man, don’t ever forget who you are, and always remember.. yeah ya can…  i love ya bro..

Kayla,

       You should see how your mom looks at you. I wish I coud have had a camera to capture the moment I walked in to see you for the very first time. Wrapped tight in a blanket held close by your mothers arms. Your father standing over you looking down and smiling so proud. Your older brother sitting on the couch trying to catch a glimps of your face… constantly asking the question.. “is that cowboy-girl?” I wish I could have captured that moment… but honestly.. no camera could capture the feelings bouncing off the walls of that small room. Your family loves you so much. 
Kayla, as you grow older you’re going to realize that this world is a tough place. Since I give you this warning so early I beg that you stay close to your family for comfort and support. Right now you are as close to god as anyone on this earth… don’t lose that wonderful gift. As we get older we all tend to drift… don’t be average… you must stand tall and stay strong. I know that if you turn out anything like your mom you’ll be as close to god as anyone. Hold your older brothers hand and take him with you. Never leave a sibling behind for you never know when they might be to far away to reach. Listen to your father but never your uncles. Nine times out of ten the things they say will only get you in trouble. 
As you live always remember Lehi’s dream. Don’t worry about what people say to you. It is very sad to say.. but not a lot of people in this world want what is best for you.. so when you pick your friends, make sure you choose wisely. Don’t worry about how you are dressed or how you look.. people that lace themselves with such worldly things are only trying to cover their black souls… Don’t fall into temptation. Stay strong and follow your parents as you hold on to the iron rod. Remember that the rod is made of iron for a reason. Its not made of gold or diamonds… But iron. Iron because it’s firm, it’s unchanging, it’s simple.. much like the gospel.
Remember that family is the most important thing in the world. Love your brother unconditionally. Always remember that no matter what, he is your brother and you should always want whats best for him.  Most of all Kayla… don’t lose that innocence that fills your eyes. Your mother and father still have it but many aren’t as lucky. Know that what you are about to enter isn’t as pretty or as lovely as where you just came from. Stand tall my beautiful neice… May you be blessed in your journey through your life as you grow, learn and become the woman that would make your parents proud.

While i’m thinking about it.. i keep seeing a lot of old friends click on here and read my stuff.. i’d love to talk to all of you.. keep in touch and see how things are going..  so please comment on this and leave me an email or something… thanks for reading.. i’ll be posting again soon

Tycen

I walked quickly up into the woods to find a quiet place to sit. My hands shook as I held the envelope so tight. Further and further away from everyone and everything… i really wanted it to be quiet and peaceful… i wanted the contents of this letter to be between me, god and my loving parents who wrote the letter. I finally got to the point where all i could hear was the sound of the leaves beneath my feet, the wind talking through the trees and the birds singing their thanks to god for such a beautiful day.
I knelt to pray and asked god that i would have a soft heart. I asked him that no matter what this letter said i would heed to my parents council and do what i felt they wanted me to do. A soft warmth fell over my body and i knew regardless of my attemps.. i wasn’t alone. I ended my prayer and sat down leaning up against a tree.. my hands quickly opening the letter given to me by my dad…
See, i was 14 years old.. I wasn’t much different than your average 14 year old. I listened to music my parents hated, fought with them about who my friends were and when curfew was… I was known to start a fight here and there with my little brother. Being 14 you dread going on trips… for some reason you just would rather stay at home and play video games during the summer… being crammed in a car for 5 hours with the exact people you deal with every day just never seems to sound very enticing. This trip was no different. I had to travel 8 hours with my church to the middle of no where to pull hand carts 50 miles. yes, i fought against it and i didn’t want to go. Of course i lost the battle and soon found myself in the middle of the desert pulling a hand cart with 200 people from my church… ya i know.. the excitment overwhelmed me. But with all that aside.. the very first night we stayed we wrote a couple letters. The first was to our parents, it could tell them anything we wanted.. from how much we love them to how bad we hated them for dragging us out on this trip. The second was a letter to god. Although i was old enough to know that the post office stopped delivering to heaven around the same time they stopped sending letters to the north pole.. i actually jumped at the opportunity. i sat quietly as my hand worked with the pen as if i was writing a beautiful symphony. I could see my friends letters… all they were was peices of paper with drawings and “I HATE THIS” written all over them.. but not me.. i took it serious. I guess i had a lot of questions at that time and i knew only one man could solve them… and maybe, just maybe, if i wrote them down.. he’d take a peek at maybe helpin me out. We gave our letters to our church leaders for safe keeping.. and the very next day the letters from our parents were delivered to us.
And now i found my self leaning up against that tree… quickly opening the envelope from my parents… wondering what exactly they had to say to me…
“Tag,
I first just wanted to tell you how much i love you, how much i care about you and how much you mean to me. Tag, you always know how to make me and your mom smile. Everyday you make me laugh either with your witty comments or your perfect impersonation of Jim Carrey. You are a very important part to this family and i know your brothers and sisters look up to you very much.”
Tears began to fill my eyes.. being a trouble making 14 year old you very rarely get to hear words like that from your parents. I actually got very used to the words “you’re grounded”…. but not today.. today my mom and dad were pouring out to me why they care about me. I actually took a moment to wipe away the tears before i continued my letter…
“Tag, we know that there are many trials and decisions coming up in your life. We know that some of them we’ve tried to talk to you about and some we want you to decide whats best for you. Just know Tag that you have a Father in heaven who loves you unconditionally, he cares for you and wants you to succeed just like me and your mom do. We know that you are very talented in many areas.. and no matter what you decide to do whether it be school, sports or a mission.. know that we are behind you 100%. Know that no matter what, study the scriptures. Keep those words close to you in your life.. Keep saying your prayers every night.”
I couldn’t go on.. i broke down in tears and began to soak the letter with tears of love and joy. How i had longed to hear those words from my parents. It gets old hearing “clean your room”.. its nice to hear that they love you. I guess words can speak louder than actions.. As i sat there trying to finish the letter i felt that warmth again.. I wasn’t sure if it was a beem of sunlight peeking through the trees… or if it was an angel giving me a hug… but i’d like to think it was the angel.
I couldn’t believe how this letter had already began to change my life. My parents words cut right through me. All i could think about was how much i cared about my family… how i was getting so caught up in my day to day rountine that i wasn’t enjoying what god had given me. I know that my letter to god was sealed and unread. But trust me.. with the soothing words of love and peace from my parents.. all my questions and concerns were answered as if my mom and dad were standing over me as i wrote my letter.
I packed the tear soaked letter back into the envelope and sat weeping as i tried to pray to god. I thanked him a thousand times for my family and asked him to guide me in all my doings. My heavy breathing didn’t allow me to say much but soon my angel was with me again and calmed my tears…
I couldn’t believe how much ink on a paper could change my life.. but it did.. and i will forever keep that letter with me wherever i go to remind me of what i was so close to never knowing…

Wow… where do I start.. Jason has been such an example to me. I remember as a little kid, all i wanted to do was be like Jason. What was he wearing, what music did he listen to? Everything he did influenced me in everyway. I loved when he allowed me to hang out with his buddy’s when we’d go fishin or rabbit hunting.. I was so grateful to get chances to hang with my older brother.. i savored the times we weren’t fighting.
I think the biggest thing i rememeber about my brother came when i was 18 years old. I was out at college and had just announced to my family that i was going to serve a mission for my church.
One day i opened up an email that was sent from my brother, who, at the time; was about 2,000 miles from me. But the impact he made in my life made him feel as close as he has ever been.
I opened the email expecting to see “hey how ya doin.” Expecting the regular pointless emails we send to see how one another was doing.
But i was wrong, dead wrong. As i opened the email it began with telling me how much he looked up to me for my decision. he told me about his life, his regrets and how proud he was of me for laying down my life to the lord. Although i don’t remember words.. i do remember the feeling i got from that letter. Tears filled my eyes as i read the last few lines that wished me luck and told me how much he was going to support my decision. For once.. once in my life.. i finally felt like a brother. I finally saw his love for me that i never knew exsisted.
To this day me and my brother, Jason, continue to grow together as we are half a country from one another. His writings and his beliefs inspire me in ways that i can’t put into words. he’s amazing. there are thousands of words to describe this strong human being.. but i will stick with amazing. His writing is such that will go down forever and will be quoted hundreds of years from now.. and his beleifs about government, religion and life will forever live with me..
To put everything into a few words…
Jason.. I love ya bro.