Forgetting Who I Am

My Name Is NOT Jill

Tag — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 08:57:17 +0000

I was there when they met

He came stumbling down the street

And saw her swinging around a no parking sign

The perfect beginning to this romantic comedy

I saw the way he looked at her

And she at him

I didn’t know it.. But I knew right then..

I was there the night they danced together

THAT was a sight

I’ve never seen two people take over a dance floor

If their dance moves had kids, they’d be named

Awesome and Moonwalk

They immediately latched onto one another

And danced like no one else was in the room

I saw his eyes dig into her soul

Almost as if to try and hold on

To try to hold tight

To never let go

I saw his eyes smile

I saw his heart leap

I saw a lot that summer

But did she see the same?

I COULD NOT/DID NOT MAKE THIS UP

Tag — Thu, 06 Aug 2009 08:48:41 +0000

Ok,
So its 2 am.. I’m a little hungry and can’t sleep.
I get up from my hotel bed and grab my wallet. Head down the stairs to the
bottom floor. Open the door to feel the warm Texas air hit my face. I start my
walk down a slight slope in the road til it levels out at a stop light. I glance both
ways but due to the time there are no cars to be found. I step across the empty
road to the well lit up gas station..
I walk up to the door and walk through as they slide open in front of me..
I walk up to the gatorade and begin to wonder which color i want in my belly.. When
all of a sudden i hear
“My co-worker bailed on me”
I turn around to see a kid standing WAY too close to me.. He was short, fat,
with long red hair pulled back into a pony tail and was wearing a shell Tshirt and
name tag.
“ah that sucks man”
I reply as I try to step back and put some space between us.
he steps closer.
“ya he was supposed to be here at midnight but his grandpa is in the hospital”
“Oh thats too bad, well at least he has a good excuse then”
I turned around to go walk through the candy isle to lose him, but he continues
to follow me.
“I am the manager here” he says
“Oh cool” I awkwardly reply
“ya, i make 8 thousand a month” he brags..
I start walking back to where the drinks are.. he continues to follow me around.
“I have 8 kids”
I look at him.. he’s smiling big right at me.
“wow thats a lot.. how old are you?”
he quickly replies “21″
i roll my eyes at him and say “how is it possible you have 8 kids?”
“Oh, i’ve been married since I was 6″
(thinking he was joking) I kind of laugh and say
“ya right”
he says.. “I WAS, my parents had an arranged marriage”
“oh,” i say “thats different.. is it because of your religion”
he steps even closer..
“no.. my wife is from japan.. her family is a mafia family and my parents are from
Germany. and they too are a mafia family.. they married us as a pact between
the families.. our marriage is a truce to stop the killings..”
I don’t know even how to reply to that.. all that comes out is..
“cool”
he says… “me and my wife have 2 kids.. we adopted the other 6 from her sister
because she and her husband died.”
i grab my drink and turn to head back to the candy isle..
“oh thats terrible” i say..
“ya.. they abandoned their kids at their house.. just left them there.. then
2 weeks later, someone found the husbands head floating down a river..
and they still haven’t found the wives body..”

….”oh..” i say
(thinking.. this kid is full of crap.. but still managing to creep me out)

“ya.. thats what happens when you mess with the family”

i grab my candy and walk to the counter for him to ring me up so i can leave

“i got shot with a gun once.. i was teaching my brother how to shoot and
he accidently fired it and it shot me in the shoulder”
*trying to pull his shirt collar down so i can see
“well.. thats why i don’t mess with guns man, they are dangerous” i say as
i place my stuff on the counter.

“well when you live like i do, you need a gun”
he begins to ring my things up
“where you from”
“utah”
“why are you here”
“playing against the diablos”
“they suck”
i laugh.. “ya we killed them tonight’
he smiles “then i just made ten grand”

i laugh again.. “you bet on the games?”
he kind of puffs out his chest and says
“i bet ten grand every game that they lose, they have only won 2 games
this year.. i’ve won over half a million dollars”
(me, knowing that el paso is 21-30 start laughing hysterically..)
he ignores me and says
“what do i care.. i have the money”
I pay for my stuff and burst out laughing..
i can’t help but think
A. This kid looks way too much like Gimley from lord of the rings
*A-1 he also resembles a young corless… and corless is not
a common name in the mafia.. trust me.. i’ve watched the Sopranos
B. he tried telling me he has 8 kids and is in the mafia
C. He says he makes 96k a year working at a gas station
and D.. lets say for arguments sake that you do gamble on
the games and you did win half a million so far..
what the hell are you doing working night shift at the shell in
El Paso TX?

ROFL..

BEST TRIP TO A GAS STATION EVER

I’m thinking of heading back and asking for 5 grand since i helped
beat that team tonight..
i deserve half right?

The Trilogy

Tag — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 23:05:35 +0000

If I were to write a book on my journeys in baseball.. i’d probably have to write 3 volumes worth.. a trilogy of the funniest/ weirdest/ saddest/ and best stories you’ve ever heard.. my parents and friends have been bugging me to start writing these stories down as a side job to my already ongoing project.. if any of you remember any stories that you want to hear.. let me know.. i have gone to college with many of you and many have been there through my pro ball career.. let me know what you remember about my life around the diamond..

Finding

Tag — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 12:07:11 +0000

Hope glistened through the clouds on this journey I’ve found. Twisting and dark roads have now led to this chamber of hope.. Light seeps through the end of this tunnel as my eyes try to focus in the brightness. It’s been awhile since these eyes have seen anything and they must adjust to the light. My hands callused and bleeding, my heart now slows its beat. I wipe the sweat with my tattered shirt and begin to look around. I realize that the road is still tough. The journey is far from over.. but at least this time.. It’s light outside

TYCEN VS GRACE

Tag — Sun, 10 May 2009 23:18:02 +0000

I just wanted to thank those people who supported me through my training.. As some of you know i have been into crossfit for about 6 months now.. i love Crossfit… if you EVER want to get in shape.. i HIGHLY suggest you look up Crossfit.com

Well, i fell in love with one of the workouts… Its called “Grace”

I wanted to be the best at it… “Grace” is 135 lbs Clean and Jerk 30 times as fast as you can.. the world record was one minute and twenty nine seconds…

I have trained for the past 3 months to break this record.. i wrote it on my blog.. i had it hanging on my wall… that i wanted to be the best…

I wanted to beat that time SO bad.. and i knew that if i wanted to beat it.. i had to train and hurry and beat it before i started the season…

Well most of you know that my spring training started last week.. and its going very well.. but the day before spring training started.. i went to Crossfit Dixie to test myself and take on Grace…

If you are interested in how it turned out…

Click here

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kg9ZTlwKRsA

Pups and Birthdays!

Tag — Fri, 01 May 2009 10:51:36 +0000

I just wanted to thank everyone that made my birthday a great day… My parents for the awesome trip to Moab. Jason and Meg for lettin me and Rachel crash with them. Thanks to Justin for a great night.. and thanks to everyone else who called, text, or emailed on my birthday..

It was a great day and i’m glad i got to spend it with good company.. thanks again everyone!

And especially thanks to Rachel for gettin the cutest PUP ever!

LOOK AT THIS GUY!

Life’s Lyrics

Tag — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 12:23:42 +0000

Ya know,

For sometime now I have been talking about the music that I listen to and how it inspires me. Every time I bring up this important subject, I always talk about the lyrics that the musician has put together and try to break them down and see the meaning as to WHY the lyrics were written and WHAT the artist was trying to portray.

The other day I was in the gym. I got done with a set and I needed to take a rest from one of my workout; I walked over to the drinking fountain and leaned over to take a sip of water. As the cool liquid touch my lips and I took a quick drink and began to bob my head to the song that was playing on my ipod. I reached to my arm band to where my ipod was securely fastened and turned up the song. I adjusted the buds in my ears and began to make my way back to my workout station. My mind began to recite the lyrics and I realized how pointless the song was. I know I’m big on only listening to music that is well written and “inspirational” but my workout ipod is mostly just full of good beats and fast paced music.

As I started thinking about what I was listening to, my mind started to wander. I soon found myself thinking about more than just the music…

I then began to think about my life… I then started to compare my life to music.

I then realized that in this life there are basically two ways to live. Now, don’t go getting all technical on me.. I realize that there are many shades of gray in my black and white world I’m trying to paint. But if you will just let me have my two ways for a moment.. you will understand the message that I’m trying to portray.

See, as I was bobbing my head to the beat and laughing inside at the pathetic lyrics that were buzzing in my ears, I began to wonder what kind of song was my life writing?

Was my life forming into a powerful song that was inspiring to others? Was I relating to other people through the way I lived? Was there order and meaning in my life? Or was my life completely the opposite? Was my life just a jumbled mess? Was I just someone who is fun to listen to for a month but gets old really fast? Was I only just a good beat?

As you read this… maybe you should ask yourself the same question… what song are you living? Are you living a great masterpiece written by John Lennon? Will your life live on through others for years to come like the music of Bob Marley? Or are you just living a beat? Does your life have no thought? no order? No meaning?

What kind of song do you want to be? What song do you want others to remember you by?

I have heard that trends are quickly forgotten and that true art lives forever… Knowing that important piece of information.. If you’re living your life like the lyrics straight off the album of the crash test dummies…

Isn’t it about time you change your tune?

Goals

Tag — Tue, 17 Mar 2009 11:26:10 +0000

I’ve always been told that your actions are not spontaneous.. All actions were a forethought of something in your past..

In other words.. if you want to change your actions.. change your line of thinking.

In order to do this.. i’ve set out some goals for me for the next few months. I’m just posting them publicly so that my friends can get on me from time to time to see if I’m following suit.

1. Temple

2. Up by 9 (It IS hard when you work 13 hour shifts til midnight)

3. Read BOM in 1 month

4. Record for “Grace”

5. Score over 400 on F.G.B.

6. Have 1500 in savings before season

7. Never take a day off

I’m going to check back in June and see how I did.. maybe we all should have some goals from time to time. It’s been awhile since i’ve pushed myself to become better all around..

Guess we will see how it goes

Positively Never Good Enough

Tag — Sun, 08 Mar 2009 02:21:25 +0000

Will I ever be good enough?

This question has damaged me over the years to the point of quiet desperation. I have been raised by two great people.. I remind you that they are great people because I don’t want you to take what I’m about to say out of context..

See, my parents rarely praised me.. If I ever did good, it was “expected” of me.. But when I did something wrong.. they were very quick to point the finger at my fault. It seemed like nothing I ever did was good enough for them.

If I went 3 for 4.. I should have went 4 for 4.. If I went 4 for 4.. I should have hit 4 home runs.. If I hit a home run.. it should have went farther..

Get my point?

This line of thinking.. that nothing is good enough.. has pushed me in positive and negative ways.. Positively… I find myself constantly pushing to be better. Some kids think I am crazy when I train.. I think I don’t train hard enough.

But I also see this trait effect me in negative ways.. I see the tole that it takes on my relationships.. I have seen hearts break behind tear filled eyes.. I have seen my own life become worthless.. and full of work.. with no glory..

It’s like teaching a dog to sit with a treat you will never give him..

How long before the dog just figures.. Why even bother?

I’ve come to realize that no matter how hard I work.. I’m never good enough.. I haven’t been good enough to be stable in anything.. not good enough for baseball.. for my family.. I’m not even good enough for a stable relationship.

Feel special if you don’t know me or have distanced yourself from my existence.. because as we all know.. something that is unstable.. has to.. one day..

Crumble

Broken VCR

Tag — Mon, 23 Feb 2009 13:26:27 +0000

They say anything in life that happens is for a reason

So there must be a reason behind me breathin

But what could it be

I lost the only thing in life that could possibly love me

She packed the whole house like she had a shoppin list

Then left without a kiss

I think it’s about time I play with my wrist

I hurt so bad, I think she packed my happiness

Then her family say “I think you should leave us

Use some time alone to go find Jesus.”

Wait, I’m a bad person?

Now I’m confused….

How can you be better than me

When I make the same mistakes as you?

But I guess thats not important

People even talked shit about Michael Jordan

And he would just ignore em

Cause their mouths couldn’t stop him from scorin

Maybe this pain will just slip by me

Maybe i’ll spend the rest of my time crying

Maybe you can see what my heart now feels

And see that I was never lying

Until that time my lips lay silent

My typin is stoppin

Cause I’ve learned that when rewind doesn’t work

You’re forced to keep watchin