Forgetting Who I Am

I walked quickly up into the woods to find a quiet place to sit. My hands shook as I held the envelope so tight. Further and further away from everyone and everything... i really wanted it to be quiet and peaceful... i wanted the contents of this letter to be between me, god and my loving parents who wrote the letter. I finally got to the point where all i could hear was the sound of the leaves beneath my feet, the wind talking through the trees and the birds singing their thanks to god for such a beautiful day.
I knelt to pray and asked god that i would have a soft heart. I asked him that no matter what this letter said i would heed to my parents council and do what i felt they wanted me to do. A soft warmth fell over my body and i knew regardless of my attemps.. i wasn't alone. I ended my prayer and sat down leaning up against a tree.. my hands quickly opening the letter given to me by my dad...
See, i was 14 years old.. I wasn't much different than your average 14 year old. I listened to music my parents hated, fought with them about who my friends were and when curfew was... I was known to start a fight here and there with my little brother. Being 14 you dread going on trips... for some reason you just would rather stay at home and play video games during the summer... being crammed in a car for 5 hours with the exact people you deal with every day just never seems to sound very enticing. This trip was no different. I had to travel 8 hours with my church to the middle of no where to pull hand carts 50 miles. yes, i fought against it and i didn't want to go. Of course i lost the battle and soon found myself in the middle of the desert pulling a hand cart with 200 people from my church... ya i know.. the excitment overwhelmed me. But with all that aside.. the very first night we stayed we wrote a couple letters. The first was to our parents, it could tell them anything we wanted.. from how much we love them to how bad we hated them for dragging us out on this trip. The second was a letter to god. Although i was old enough to know that the post office stopped delivering to heaven around the same time they stopped sending letters to the north pole.. i actually jumped at the opportunity. i sat quietly as my hand worked with the pen as if i was writing a beautiful symphony. I could see my friends letters... all they were was peices of paper with drawings and "I HATE THIS" written all over them.. but not me.. i took it serious. I guess i had a lot of questions at that time and i knew only one man could solve them... and maybe, just maybe, if i wrote them down.. he'd take a peek at maybe helpin me out. We gave our letters to our church leaders for safe keeping.. and the very next day the letters from our parents were delivered to us.
And now i found my self leaning up against that tree... quickly opening the envelope from my parents... wondering what exactly they had to say to me...
"Tag,
I first just wanted to tell you how much i love you, how much i care about you and how much you mean to me. Tag, you always know how to make me and your mom smile. Everyday you make me laugh either with your witty comments or your perfect impersonation of Jim Carrey. You are a very important part to this family and i know your brothers and sisters look up to you very much."
Tears began to fill my eyes.. being a trouble making 14 year old you very rarely get to hear words like that from your parents. I actually got very used to the words "you're grounded".... but not today.. today my mom and dad were pouring out to me why they care about me. I actually took a moment to wipe away the tears before i continued my letter...
"Tag, we know that there are many trials and decisions coming up in your life. We know that some of them we've tried to talk to you about and some we want you to decide whats best for you. Just know Tag that you have a Father in heaven who loves you unconditionally, he cares for you and wants you to succeed just like me and your mom do. We know that you are very talented in many areas.. and no matter what you decide to do whether it be school, sports or a mission.. know that we are behind you 100%. Know that no matter what, study the scriptures. Keep those words close to you in your life.. Keep saying your prayers every night."
I couldn't go on.. i broke down in tears and began to soak the letter with tears of love and joy. How i had longed to hear those words from my parents. It gets old hearing "clean your room".. its nice to hear that they love you. I guess words can speak louder than actions.. As i sat there trying to finish the letter i felt that warmth again.. I wasn't sure if it was a beem of sunlight peeking through the trees... or if it was an angel giving me a hug... but i'd like to think it was the angel.
I couldn't believe how this letter had already began to change my life. My parents words cut right through me. All i could think about was how much i cared about my family... how i was getting so caught up in my day to day rountine that i wasn't enjoying what god had given me. I know that my letter to god was sealed and unread. But trust me.. with the soothing words of love and peace from my parents.. all my questions and concerns were answered as if my mom and dad were standing over me as i wrote my letter.
I packed the tear soaked letter back into the envelope and sat weeping as i tried to pray to god. I thanked him a thousand times for my family and asked him to guide me in all my doings. My heavy breathing didn't allow me to say much but soon my angel was with me again and calmed my tears...
I couldn't believe how much ink on a paper could change my life.. but it did.. and i will forever keep that letter with me wherever i go to remind me of what i was so close to never knowing...