Forgetting Who I Am

Great words by one of my favorite artists.. Clint Black.. I remember sitting in the car jamming out to Clint Blacks song “Like the rain” when my dad decided to show off his voice.. or lack of.. and blurt out the words “LIKE LARANE”…. I guess he thought Clint was singing about a girl who reminded him of someone named Larane… my mom quickly turned down the music and in between laughs she corrected him.. “It’s like the RAIN”… My dad acted like he was kidding around.. but to this day I still think he truely believes he is right.. lol.. Sing it away pops.

It really is funny how a song can spark a memory.. That is why i guess i have such a passion for music. Ever since I was 13 i’ve been writing my own poetry.. I remember cleaning out my brothers room when he left for college and stumbling across his notebook.. Me being the good brother who would NEVER go through anyones private stuff all of a sudden  i found myself 15 pages deep in my brothers writing and loving every line.  It inspired me to write.. it was something that no matter what no one could take from me.
You could strip me of my car, money, clothes, home and family… but you couldn’t take from me my love, passion, hate or beliefs.. all of which i can convey through writing.

To be honest i wish everyone would pick up a pen from time to time and spill their heart.. as my dad would say “tis good for the soul” I challenge whoever reads this that they take 5 min out of their “busy day” and write something that they can call their own. write about something that made you laugh, cry, angry or inspired. email it to me, text it to me.. or better yet, start a blog. About a month ago i had a friend over when i was looking for someting i once wrote. i was going through notebook after notebook of writings when all of a sudden she turned to me and said “this is going to be so cool for your kids to read”
kind of shocked me, but its true.. how cool is it going to be when i pass on to the good lord and leave behind my legacy through my pen.
Think about that next time you sit down to watch the next episode of american idol.. maybe instead of watching simon be an asshole.. you should think about who and what you want your kids to remember about you

She’s made my knees weak
For weeks
I love the way her glasses rest upon her cheeks
But I hold my tongue
Afraid to speak
She’s got this certain mystique
That is beautifully unique
But who am I to cross paths with love?
She’s the epitome of perfection that you can’t even speak of
I should be either
Deprived of
Disposed of
Devoid of
Fall short of
Or all of the above
When it comes to the joyous feeling that’s considered to be her love
She’s perfectly imperfect
And perfectly worth it
And now to the beauty within her
This song I sing
She doesn’t know it
But she is more than my everything

See… I know it is the Utah state of mind that if you don’t go out of the country then you must be some sort of bad missionary or that god doesn’t trust you.. honestly, as dumb as that sounds.. i really have heard such things come out of people’s mouths. I even dated a girl who’s brother was originally called out of the country, then got sick so had to stay in the states and he complained the whole time. I can’t say much cause i was one of them too.. at first.. i wanted to just get out and go away… i wanted to see the world. When i got my call i couldn’t believe it. i hated it. But, i gave it a try. i opened my eyes and my heart and began to see the people of Tennessee as Brothers and Sisters who hadn’t heard of the truth which i held in my hand. I couldn’t believe the difference. Just by changing my attitude i saw a whole different side of Tennessee that i wouldn’t have seen if i wouldn’ve stayed so hard hearted. I actually feel bad for those missionary’s that DON’T stay in the states. i know that it was a challenge talking to people. Can you imagine trying to change people’s minds on a daily basis? Outside the states people know nothing or very little about you.. they are poor and willing to listen to just about any new idea or beilef that is out there.. inside the states is a different story. you have people who think they know everything and refuse to listen to anything. and I was stuck in a living room with those people on a daily basis trying to do the impossible. Since most of them knew their bibles better than their kids names.. it made me study.. it made me work hard, know every bible passage of what we were trying to teach, the history of the bible, why and where things were written, the background of the writers and most importantly the message that god was trying to portray with the bible. i studied everything in order to make sure one part was backed by two others. if the bible said it.. where did it say that in the book of mormon or in D&C? the boss knew what he was doing.. he is preparing me for something, and i was lucky enough to listen. I still use my knowledge to this day.. If someone THINKS they know something.. i’ll act dumb and have them explain it to me to see what they know.. like issues with the word of wisdom.. thats my favorite.. i hear a new one everyday.. lol.. also if someone doesn’t know something i like to sit them down and talk to them.. i have been in great religious debates with non-members because of my knowledge about the bible.. they listen to me and like what i have to say.. the lord may not always do what we want.. but he does what is best for us.. and now that i look back.. i’m glad he did..

I know I can’t stand proud

For I have nothing to brag about

I must press on but I don’t know how

Take my hand lord; it’s only you and me now

All my friends moved into a click

Pushing me behind a wall of bricks

I’d rather they brake my bones with stones and sticks

These names hurt

It’s only you and me now

I remember you were there to rock me to sleep

With my mind replaying thoughts of a tough week

But that was back when I wasn’t so weak

So the question is..

Are you still there lord?
It’s just you and me now..

I take for granted when you hung on the cross

And now all that you died for is being lost

I know you can save my soul, but at what cost?

Lord.. are you there?
It’s just you and me now..

Maybe they all have reason to hurt me

Maybe I deserve everyone who deserts me

Maybe its not me and you.. I’m not even worthy

Goodbye my savior

I guess it’s just me now..