Forgetting Who I Am

Freedom of speech…
Yeah… I haven’t heard those words in a very long time either. Where are we going as a country if we can’t even open our mouths anymore to voice our opinion? How many times have we had to change our appearance, speech and total outlook on life because we “offend” someone?! It drives me insane to know that I can’t speak to anyone without fear of possibly being considered offensive. Well ya know what? I am offensive, I have beliefs that most people would defiantly find offensive. The fact that I’m Mormon probably offends someone, somewhere. Believing in “Jacob Smith and golden books… It’s all crazy talk” isn’t it… Why as a whole have we stooped so low as to try and change who we are so we don’t bother other people. I know I might sound rude but I believe that we shouldn’t try to make people like us… If I make someone like me, for something I’m not.. I will lose a part of me that others might enjoy. I know that I don’t agree with everyone, and everyone doesn’t agree with me.. but that is the joy of this country. I like knowing that my opinion doesn’t have to matter to anyone but me. I get so crossed up trying to make sure I say all the right things.. I go to the post office to ask the “post-person” a question.. Notice I didn’t make the mistake of saying postman.  I’ll drive around town and be pulled over by a police officer, oh, not policeman.. that was close… I’ll go to the airport and be seated by a stewardess, I mean FLIGHT ATTENDENT… Did I say stewardess… DAMN.. there I go offending people again… well ya know what.. if you serve drinks, give me a pillow and show me how to buckle my seatbelt I’m going to call you a stewardess.. yes, even if you are a guy… cause I’ve seen guys who have that job and they are gay enough to where we can call them a stewardess anyway.. yes, gay, fag, homo.. poo stabber… have I offended anyone yet?

It doesn’t have to just do with jobs, it has to do with everything, religion and race being the two biggest issues.  Ok, first of all I come from Utah, where everyone “says” they aren’t racist… they try to pull the “I’m so religious and since god loves everyone so do I”…. they try and try to act all high and mighty like they don’t mind race or religion… until their daughter try’s to date a black catholic guy.. then true colors shine.  Even though I come from these surroundings, I, myself am very far from being racist. I think it’s ridiculous to like or dislike someone due to the color of their skin or religious background. We are all different, that’s what makes us unique and I think we should accept that we are all different and have fun with it. One of my favorite comics is Carlos Mencia. He pushes the bounds every week on his show with the issues I talk about right now.. his biggest message is to quit being such a group of babies and realize.. yeah we are different.. so why don’t we laugh at the fact that I’m black and like chicken and you’re Mexican and look like a bean… funny? Only if you want it to be. I think people have got so stuck on what they “dislike” that they don’t know how to love anyone who is different.. take for instance John Rocker.. the man is the most racist pig on planet earth. He once said to a reporter that he hated playing in
New York because no matter where he went he was surrounded by foreigners. Personally I think the man is a moron… but do I like him? I love him… when he comes out of the bull pen he punches himself in the face and has the catcher throw the ball off his chest.. then he gets on the mound and throws 99 from the left side… game over…
I don’t like him because he’s nice and doesn’t offend anyone… I like him because he’s an athlete who loves his job AND is damn good at it… I think instead of picking out the things we DON’T like about someone.. how about we pick out one or two things we can appreciate.. and then learn to love them for WHO they are…

I guess all in all we can only be offended when we WANT something to be offensive.. if we choose to laugh.. we’ll laugh.. it CAN be that simple…
I believe it was Thomas Jefferson who once said, “I may not agree with any of your beliefs. I may hate the way you think, feel and act as a person. But although I may never agree with you, I will die for you in order to have the freedom to believe the way you do.”
Maybe instead of being so offended we should be more accepting.. Maybe we should enjoy all the pretty colors we have instead of tying to push everything into one giant gray area.. because.. honeslty… gray offends me..

This sunset
Has lost all its passion
From the sky to the ground
Like a plane crashin’
Slowly I creep
On the tips of my feet
To let this sun, set
And rest from this heat
January
I sound my horn of defeat
This society lies in depression
As your cold heart beats
Remove this population
From these ice paved streets
As softly your winds blow
Rock me to sleep

Excuse a lot of my work, I’m trying to save all of it so a lot might seem like it repeats itself. (this sounds a lot like Dear Mom, if anyone has read that) it was just another version I’ve had in my notebook that I liked… so here it is..
 

I fight..
I’m not speaking of fighting in the sense of toe to toe, fist to face fighting… although that is fun, hell I have taken knees to the face, been kicked in my ribs, I even once (in  a all out brawl) took a board to the side of my head Tommy boy style. For some reason that is fun to me… but that’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about fighting to stay happy.
Now don’t get me wrong, I’m happy, anyone who knows me knows that I have a good time doing ANYTHING. You give me a piece of tape and a toothpick and I’ll laugh for hours.
But, in life, the old saying stays true. SHIT HAPPENS. Shit does happen, and it sucks. I’ve had surgery’s (7 to be exact) all of which have put me out a MINIMUM of  6 weeks. It sucks, rehab hurts. And my body is sick of being cut open every year. Other than going under the knife, I’ve had problems with, family hating girls I date, getting no respect when I believe I deserve it, my bro going through a divorce.. shit.. a lot goes down in the PoVey family. The most disturbing of course is losing someone you love. I have lost three friends over my life. Two in a horrible accident and one to drugs…. Regardless of the reason.. it never gets easy.
I know I always try to be captain “tough guy” I always try to be the rock for other people in tough situations, but honestly I am not very good at it, my fighter mentality wants me to be tough, but my soft heart conquers and I often allow my emotions to show. As hard as I try to be like my father, I’m not.
I guess that’s where my fighting comes into play. I fight so hard to stay happy that, at times, I’m not happy because I fight myself.  Now that I look at my life I realize one thing..
I’ve realized that life is amazing. You can float through your whole life wondering “why me” or you can take each experience and grow from it.  Yes we all have a surgery in one form or another. You might not go under the knife, but all of us have been “cut down” by god one way or the other… it’s our choice if we want to complain, or start rehabbing the proper way so we become stronger. We all have family problems and we all lose loved ones. Nothing about family or death can be easy. But I believe that with a positive attitude you can face anything. In The Book of Mormon, god tells us that we won’t be asked to run faster than we can, basically we won’t deal with anything he doesn’t think we can conquer… so why is it that so many times we feel like we are helpless?
Because we CHOOSE to feel that way.
My message to you today is to stand tall, smile, grab a piece of tape and a toothpick and act like a dork. Life is amazing, god put you here to enjoy this experience, go  CHOOSE to enjoy yourself…

 

Now these whispers
Now these lies
End all that is good
In the event of my demise

With this anger
Kindled deep inside
I’ll spit this poem
To unveil they’re disguise  

False thoughts
Melt into a sentence
Feels like my soul
Is serving a sentence
This prison is built
By a virus that is spread
Locked down in solitude
By words that are said
They spend so much time
Worryin about everyone else
That they have no time
To even know thyself
They think everyone around them
Is in need of correction
As blindly they stand
In their mirror of perfection

Now these whispers
Now these lies
End all that is good
In the event of my demise
With this anger
Kindled deep inside
I’ll spit this poem
To unveil they’re disguise 

They’re so perfect
They’ll never let me forget
How much I’ve messed up
How they have no regrets
They won’t give me a chance
Minds unchanging
Looks like my life isn’t the one
That needs rearranging
You seem to know a lot about me
Telling me things I didn’t know
People I’ve never met
Places I didn’t go
Did you know I write poetry?
Did you know I’ve changed myself?
Did you know I did this alone
Without help of anyone else?
Did you know I feel guilt
For the past two years of my life?
That I want to be a great dad to a gread kid
A great husband to a great wife?
You know nothing about me
Keep my name out of your mouth
My life’s nothing special
Nothing worth talking about
Time has always spoken
Saying lies start from below
These peasants speak of a king
That they think they know

So hush your whispers
Tell no more lies
Give goodness a chance
In the event of your demise
Be honest with yourself
May you heal these scars
Don’t worry about me
Focus on who you are