Forgetting Who I Am

Whats that baby? No, daddy’s not crying
No, no baby I’m not worried about you dying
Just close your eyes my precious little girl
Daddy will protect you from this aweful world
Lay asleep as you rest from these pains
Ignore the cancer flowing your vains 
Doctors say there isn’t much more they can do
But daddy’s here little baby and nothing can harm you
Tomorrow you’ll see your brothers and sister
Your mom will be here too I know how much you’ve missed her
Remember all the things daddy’s taught you
Remember all the love god has brought you
Remember to say your prayers god’s always near
And when he’s with you there is nothing to fear

Dear lord, I love thee so much it is true
Please lord I beg you, is there anything you can do?
Please lay down your healing hand
Please give my daughter enough strength to stand
Give her hope in this time of need
Give her this and i’ll confess my creed
Now i’m on my knees lord, begging please
Take her pain and give it to me
I can’t take it lord, its so hard to see
My daughter laying here so helplessly
I’m sorry for asking cause I know thy will be done
I know you’ve been through this with your only son
I’m sorry for asking again and again
Just please help her, i love you, in jesus’ name amen

Now rest tight my baby tomorrow comes quick
You’ll awake so strong you won’t even feel sick
Sweet dreams my sweetheart let me know if you need me
Daddy will be awake, daddy’s not sleepy
I love you baby now please close your eyes
You’re too young to see your daddy cry..
  

He could try and impress you with words he’d have to look up, or maybe he’ll just keep quiet and give smiles in uncomfortable situations.. He’s always continually worn his emotions on his sleeve.. and now his emotions are lost due to the fact that you tore his shirt. How can he think for himself when he has always relied on other sources? How can one live when love only happens in fairytales? He try’s to look past his special characteristics because he knows if he has them.. he might be asked to use them.. Caring and Loving… fine… Its uplifting, spiritual and responsible that make him have sleepless nights… those can worry him.. but its the character of a leader that scares him the most.. wonder if he leads many and gets lost.. he can’t live with being responsible for destroying many souls.. he can barley live with destroying his own. Everyone who knows him has to see him with eyes high in the air for he has what they desire, but he lays dormant and is scared to reveal it. Hiding deep in shadows quietly keeping to himself as if not to catch much attention from by passers. His words are kept close to him with a little book he always carry’s around.. most of his writing would even inspire shakespeare but only his two eyes have ever seen it. He wonders “what if no one likes it..” as he closes his book and clinches his fist tight around the binding. His mind reminds him of what day it is… as he walks like a troubled dog, tucking his tale between his legs.. he enters the building labeled with a cross. He sits in back and slips out as the last hymn is being sung so no hands will thank his presence. He wanders back into the shadows and writes what his heart can’t bare.
O sun
O wind 
O rain
Shine, gust and pour
Wash away this pain
That has impaired my soul for years
I turn to you
Mother nature
Nurture me

His pen now runs dry which comforts his soul.. his hand is tired of witing. He finally can lay to rest in his shadows… forever being unknown

hmmm.. what should i write about… i don’t know.. ummm… i have to think of something.. i want to get home cause i’m hungry.. i wonder what we have to eat at the house. i hope dinkel got paid.. he always buys the best food.. except when he buys white bread.. GROSS.. white bread is sick.. it makes you get colon cancer and the last thing i need is some guy prodding around in my ass. i leave that to the gays.. how can you be gay? gay people are gross.. don’t get me wrong.. lesbians are hot.. but not hot as in i approve hot.. but its hot.. i bet there isn’t a guy in the world that doesn’t think two girls making out is hot.. well.. except gay guys. gay guys are just weird.. you know what else is weird? computers.. how can you store words and pictures on a peice of metal with wires.. thats weird.. thats just like a cell phone.. how does your voice go into a phone and through the air and into another phone.. if satalites carry the signal then how don’t the cell phones get crossed up? how does your voice get to a satalite and how does the satalite not accidently send it to one of the other 50,000 phones being used at that time? that reminds me.. i should call my brother.. he just graduated from law school.. i hope he’s a good lawyer.. not a crappy one who cheats the system.. we need more good lawyers and judges.. our system and government is becoming so currupt.. there is no hope for our country.. our country really needs to get out of iraq.. WHY ARE WE THERE?.. our president is so stupid.. i’d like to pee on his front porch.. not the white house but just his regular front porch.. haha that reminds me of the time my buddy pooped on this kids front porch.. it was hilarious.. it was even more funny cause when he got done he realized he had nothing to wipe with so he ran back to the truck we were in.. he ran like a penguin.. haha.. it was hilarious.. we made him ride in the bed of the truck til we got back to his house.. he had his pants down the whole time.. haha. after that we nicknamed him icky.. it was originally sticky cause he said his butt cheeks were stuck together.. but by the end of the season we just shortened it to icky. Surgery’s are icky.. surgery’s scare me.. although i’ve had 7 of them.. my dads had like 17.. i hope i don’t catch him.. if i ever throw like he does my baseball career would be in trouble. i hope i have a baseball career.. that would be awesome.. i hope no one calls me Tycen.. thats not my name! i’m so used to bein called Tag by my family.. hmm.. maybe one day i’ll put Tag on the back of my jersey. well.. shit.. i can’t think of anything to write.. i’m going to eat..

Deep breath in
As it all begins
I know I can’t stop it
I think its the end
I try askin for help
I try to tell a friend
But my words can’t escape
A message I can’t send
Fall to the ground
With no one around
Sweat beats down my face
My heart starts to pound
My eyes start to fade
Thinkin of mistakes i’ve made
How I wish I would have listened
How I wish I would have stayed
If I had another chance
Just one more opportunity
I wouldn’t let these demons
Do what they do to me
My eyes turn black
My eyes roll back
And my lights go out
Just like that
I start to awaken
Feel my body shakin
I see its pointless
To take the pills i’m takin
My body slows its pace
My heart slows its race
I can finally move
To wipe the sweat off my face
How I wish this would go
And just leave me alone
This unstable disease
Is why I got sent home
Now every time it strikes
I hope its my last
Everytime this happens
It reminds a regretful past