Forgetting Who I Am

Dear World,
Can i ask you a question? take it for what its worth.. nothing more.. is love constantly repeating your desires to let me know how unimportant my life is?  i could be wrong.. the life i live now is a huge testament of how wrong i can be.. my thoughts of love probably won’t go beyond the ears of those around me. .. but to me.. Many things don’t describe love..  just being with someone is not love, not kisses.. its not buying dinner or presents.. its not a hug or a gental touch as you look into someones eyes.. its not a word.. and it can’t be written.. its merely a desire to make someone better. to love them unconditionally.. without regret without remorse without desire of any benifit in return. its a feeling deep inside to wish everything good upon the person you love. to make sure there time here on this earth was spent in laughter. to make sure when they arise they can look out the window and wish to discover what is out there.. to discover every other feeling that they do not feel day to day.. to feel what its like to have hate, remorse, envy, fear, anger…. all because you fullfill all their needs of joy, peace, comfort and.. ofcourse.. love.  when going through what i believe is love i know that i am guilty of not following what i believe.. i’m sorry.. my heart desires to love.. its my pride. anger and stupidity that plague my path to love. i beg for you to hear my cries and pleading.. begging for forgiveness for trying to ruin the most sacred feeling that god gave us. that is my apology.. until i hear i am forgiven..i sit upon my stool of thoughts.. trying to contemplate a way to one day.. love again

When light relects the soul, darkness flees.. but darkness will sit and wait on the path ahead. Let your mind be in fore-thought, let your hear be in the moment. Don’t let your heart loose and lose your identity. Some might say that identity is but a fleeing thought, a butterfly sailing amongst eagles. To me identity is seeking eternal truth. For excess is identity and in so we find truth. Truth is only relative to the beholder, identifying truth is impossible unless you seek it. Truth will define itself if you seek to gain wisdom and not gold. Let your heart be in the world not of the world, doing so will find truth and following truth will never allow you to lose your identity.

Where hast thou walkest? Your feet are battered and torn. Your hands are outwardly coarse yet tender to the touch. Your long slim figure shows your lack of adequate nutrition. Yet a smile appears before me and illuminates the room with a heavenly glow. Although your face is weathered and the signs of aging have taken hold, your soul seems young and radiates through all that surround you. Don’t give in to what is expected of you, don’t loose you’re your soul in search of worldly treasures; don’t ever sacrifice happiness for safety. Your path may have been hard but you have survived the journey. Your spiritual nature speaks volumes of where you have been and how you have treated those around you. Don’t lose your faith in human kind for there are others like you who value humility, peacefulness, and honesty. Though they may not be found at the local star bucks or shopping at lofty department stores, if you look hard enough they are there. Sitting below the radar of society, evaluating where we are going as a people and working to change the industrialized psyche which has encompassed our brethren. Their thoughts and actions may go unnoticed by the general public; it is not fame or recognition which is sought. He sees them and they speak to Him. They understand the teachings of his Son and choose to love and live much like He did. Battered, torn, wandering, they open their hearts and minds to all that will hear regardless of social, racial or political status. The meek SHALL inherit the earth but for now we will settle for the beach towns, small mountain villages and quaint desert communities.

Just got into town.. lindsborg.. small place.. the town is only about 3,000 people and the college i’m attending only has 600 students.. the first day i got here i felt like turining back around and driving back to utah.. or off a cliff.. which ever came first. if you ever visit this town you’d know what i was talking about.. i felt as if jack johnson was speaking directly to me when i was listening to his song.. “where’d all the good people go”..  walking down the brick roads and looking at all the people stare at me cause i stick out like a sore thumb isn’t very comforting… but seriously i gave it a chance.. i’m a huge believer in not judging.. i HATE it when people judge me.. i only have one pet peeve.. and judgmental people are it.. my whole life people have seen me as a jock which labels me as a dumb athlete that isn’t good at anything and isn’t nice to anyone but the cheerleaders. thats not me at all.. i’ve always strived to become some what of a rennisance man (don’t bug me if i spelled that wrong.. remember who my dad is.. i got it from him) i remember watchin a movie once and they talked about this man who was known as a writer, a poet an artist an astronomer an inventor, scientist… i mean you name it.. this guy was into it.. not only did he do it.. but he was really good at it.. but then they went on.. after understanding that this man did so many things and was so good at all of them.. the only reason a lot of people knew who he was is because they said that he could stand with both feet together in front of a 6 foot man.. and jump directly over his head. for some reason that story has always stuck with me.. there are “smart jocks” in the world.. and i guess between my love for baseball.. writing and poetry.. i’ve always wanted to broaden my horizons.. and see who i can become… but back to my original strory.. i gave bethany a chance.. and seriously i love it here.. everyone here is so nice and so loving.. they care about who you are and what brought you here.. i’m very happy i left my attitude to the side and had an open mind.. i love the small towns.. they are always so close.. i have a feeling great things are going to happen here for me (knock on wood) anyway i am happy to be here and i guess we’ll see how things go.. oh, jack.. if you’re lookin for some good down to earth people.. try lindsborg..